Life is good, so running is hard

For a while now I've been thinking about this blog. It's purpose. Whether to end it, or start a new one. But what I think it needs is a REpurpose. And this may take some explaining and, to be quite frank, brutal  honesty on my part. So bear with me.

Running in Alaska has been difficult for me. More than difficult. I've gone weeks and weeks without running, and no, it's not just because we have shitty weather 8 months out of the year. Sometimes those non-run weeks have been during gorgeous summer months. Days when most runners would drop everything just to be out there kicking asphalt. Now that I'm about to leave Alaska, I've been thinking a lot about why running here has been hard. A chore, most times.

But let's back up to the beginning of my blog. I started this blog back in early 2009, and folks, 2009 was MY YEAR of running. I kicked some serious ass that year. I ran a lot of new distances, beat old PRs, and at the end of that year I trained my little booty off for my first marathon -- the Disney World Marathon on January 7, 2010. All through the year I used this blog and YOU for motivation to keep going. And keep going, I did. I rarely, if ever, posted on anything going on in my life other than running. Running, and writing about running, was so easy then. I had post ideas flowing out of me, and most times I never got around to writing them until a new idea overtook it and that became my new post.

And here's where the brutal honesty comes in. 2009 was my BEST year in running, but the WORST year in life. In retrospect, I was running away from my life. I was in a marriage I didn't want to be in, I lived 2,500 miles away from family and friends, and I was looking for a job in a market and location where there was no need for a technical writer/editor like myself. My life was a mess. Running was my out.

And this is the thing I realized: Running is easy when life is hard.

I know that that's not always the case for runners. But that's the case for THIS runner. It's easy, say, to take two hours out of your day and run the fuck out of yourself. Mind the language, but that's exactly what I did every time I hit the pavement, or jumped on the treadmill, or lifted weights, or went to yoga class. Thank god for endorphins! I don't think I would've survived that year  without running.

Fast forward to 2011 and, for all intents and purposes, my time in Alaska (August 2010 through now). I made positive changes in my life. As much as it was a difficult situation to get through, my divorce was a good thing. My new job here is fulfilling and I genuinely enjoy the people that I work with and the company that I work for. I love my new friends here. I've loved the new experiences that Alaska has offered me. It's been a relief to not stress about church duties. I'm a stronger, more confident woman than I've ever been in my life.

And that makes running hard.

It's hard because sometimes I want to go out for happy hour with my friends. Sometimes I want to go snowmachining in the back country instead of going for a 10-mile long run. Sometimes I want to just sit and read a good book cover to cover. Now that I have a life I'm enjoying, sometimes I don't want to run away from it. Life is good, so running is hard.

Some of you may be asking, "So if Alaska has been so good, why are you leaving?" Long version, read this. Short version, Alaska was what I needed during this transition in my life. That transition is over and I'm ready to move on. Winters here are hard. I miss culture and diversity. I miss proximity to road races. In a nut shell, that's why.

Don't get me wrong. I still love running. Passionately. I never regret going for a run. Running is, truly, my first love. And first loves are never forgotten.

So this brings me back to my blog, and its REpurpose. I still want to run and train for races, and receive the motivation that y'all give me every time I post something. But I also want to live my life. So this blog will be...a balance. Because trying to find that balance between life and running can be difficult, and I think a lot of you can actually relate to this, am I right? ;) In 2009 my life and running were two separate things. And now they sort of blur together to create one happy, sometimes out of balance, me. So sometimes I'll post about running. And sometimes I'll just post about life. Some posts you may even get a good mixture. But this is me now. It's a better me, and I hope it will create better posts. As you can tell, I've been slacking in that department.

And a big thanks to Michelle for helping me articulate my thoughts and help me figure out why running has been so hard, even though I love it so much. I love you, friend.