Who needs priorities? Me.

I know my blogging has been hit and miss this past year, but I think I'm finally starting to really settle in and get my life in order. There's been so many changes in my life, and with each change comes what I like to call a "trial and error" period. In a lot of ways it's been a lot of fun. In other ways, notsomuch.

In the past year I've:

• Stopped attending the LDS church
• Moved to Alaska
• Had my running life flipped over when a friend died during said sport
• Gotten divorced
• Started dating again

None of the above bullet points are small things. None. So here I've been trying to juggle my new life and lifestyle.... with running. All of these things. All at once. I may have failed a few times. So let's address this bullet point by bullet point, shall we?

Stopped attending church

This is the only item in my bullet list that actually gave me more time to run. I definitely won't go into details about religion on my blog. But in a nutshell, this is how being "religious" (and Mormon) was for me: Stressful, anxiety-filled, time-consuming, and quite honestly, suffocating. Not to mention a lot of other little things. I dreaded Sundays. Hell, I dreaded Saturdays because that meant I had to prepare for Sunday. (But this is already too much detail for my running blog. I'm an open book when it comes to discussing my reasons for leaving the LDS faith behind, so if you're curious, email me. I'll respond.) Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that having the weekends free, means I have more time to run/workout/relax etc. I also don't have those stress/anxiety/guilt feelings constantly hanging over my head. Needless to say, this was a good move for me.

Moved to Alaska

Holy dark freezing tundra, Batman! I moved here just over a year ago. Which means I moved here right when the leaves were falling, the mountain tips were snow-dusted, and 50 degrees was a good day. And those good days only lasted about two weeks before it was full-blown winter. (Oh, and we're losing about 6 minutes of light per day.) So lacing up my shoes when I got home from work when it's pitch black outside, it's only 15 degrees (or less), and the sidewalks were covered in ice, was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to be cuddling up in a blanket, drinking hot chocolate, reading a book on my couch. Climate shock, that's for sure. It was an adjustment.

Finding the motivation to get outside and run proved difficult, but I eventually found a good balance for that. I learned that I'd always regret not running, and I'd never regret hitting the pavement (or ice). And when I'd run outside in the dark and cold, I learned to feel...bad ass. Especially if I came home and my eyelashes had turned to icicles. That's bad ass. And on the really, really, really terrible days (ie., 60 mph winds and -10 degrees or less) I forced myself to run on my gym's treadmill. Heh. Alaska. She can be a bitch if you let her.

Running Takes a Halt after Ragnar Relay DC

After Shane died, I sort of stopped running for a bit. It was just too much for my heart to handle. I had a lot of emotions I needed to work through, and eventually I did. But it was a slow process. My running during those first few months was so irregular. Run a day here, run two days there, take a three week break, etc. etc.

I kinda threw myself into P90X for a bit, so that helped keep me kinda in shape, but I was losing my endurance level quickly. And once you lose the endurance, getting it back feels more difficult than gaining it in the first place. I'd have thoughts like, "I use to be able to run 6 miles and be fine. Why am I gasping for air at Mile 1?!" "I ran a frickin' marathon, and I can't even crank out 3 miles tonight." And so on and so forth. I finally had to get to the point where I resigned myself to being back at square one. That I was a beginning runner again. Once I figured that out, and let myself get excited that I just ran 3, or 4, or 5 miles without walking, I was able to find that endurance again.

Got divorced

Yup. It is what it is. Going through the emotions of that process was always a roller coaster. Up, down, left, right. Happy, sad, angry, jealous. On really bad days I'd just come home and go to sleep. "Who cares that I have a race I'm training for? I'm going to sleep." I missed a lot of runs. But again, I eventually got to the point where running was therapy to me. It helped me work out that anger, aggression, hurt, guilt, etc. I never used to be able to run when I had bad feelings harboring inside. But during my divorce I learned that I could put that energy into a run, and 100% of the time I came back home feeling better.

Started dating again

Man, oh man. You think getting a divorce is a roller coaster? Not compared to dating. Don't get me wrong. Dating has been one of the most fun things about my life during this past year. But it's also one of the reasons it's been hard to make running routine. Let's put it this way: Let's say I have a 12 mile run scheduled for Saturday morning, but then on Thursday i get asked to go on a date Friday. So I go, but then I'm usually out pretty late, and the last thing I want to do Saturday morning is wake up and go running. Especially is you've a weeeee bit too much to drink, if you know what I mean. Hangovers = worthless Saturdays.

And then there's the times when a first date becomes a second, then a third, until it finally gets to that point when you want to see each other more than a couple of times per week. And you're getting together almost every night, and you'd rather make dinner together, or go to a movie, or whatever. And those mid-week runs get skipped.

I've never been a morning person, let alone a morning runner. I know the simplest solution to this problem would be to get my lazy ass up earlier in the morning and get my runs in then. I say it every night, and then every morning I hit snooze over and over. Let's face it; I'm not a morning runner! haha.

So for those of you who are single and dating, and night runners...I'm open for any and all suggestions about how to balance running, dating, and social drinking.

So there ya go. My life is so completely different than it was a year ago. But what i've realized during all of these changes is this: I couldn't have made it through without running. Running is a part of me. And I love the feeling it gives me. I'm glad I'm figuring things out. And I'm glad I've come to the realization that running is something I need to make a top priority.